We are three weeks in to life with three littles. Update: I have no clue what I’m doing.
Truth be told, I didn’t even before the third one came along. (How is there still no manual for this parenting thing??)
Anyway. If I didn’t know what I was doing before, it is even more obvious now. Juggling this many humans is HARD. Sure, I have moments in which I feel like I’m almost nailing it. The other day I got lunch ready for the toddler and fed her while wearing the baby in the carrier. (Listen. This may seem like a ridiculously small win, but I assure you, it is big.) One night the baby only got up once between 8 p.m. and 6 a.m. (Have i mentioned how much I love my bed?) Today, we even tackled the pumpkin patch with minimal stress (definitely a win).
And don’t get me wrong, these wins are great. But there are still a lot of moments in between. I’m not kidding you guys, I literally googled, “Can my toddler’s temper tantrums traumatize my newborn?” this week. Because the toddler lost her s#%&t for thirty plus minutes the other day. While I was trying to feed the baby. And of course, I just got done reading somewhere (who can remember where) that hostility in tones of voices can impact a newborns brain development. (Maybe it was in my peaceful parenting audio book? I can work on being peaceful but who is going to get the memo to my toddler?!)
For the record, google was not that helpful. Nor was it particularly helpful in answering how to stop the toddler from screaming her bloody head off or why my baby gets restless at night only AFTER my husband goes to bed. I didn’t bother asking it my sleep deprivation questions. (How did people parent before google??)
I know this is normal (at least I assume it is). So much of parenting (and adulting?) is just making it up as you go. Maybe there will come a time where I’m more confident in my ability to spontaneously handle everything parenthood throws at me.
But for now, I feel like I’m hanging on to a spinning merry-go-round, balancing somewhere between an exhilarating adrenaline rush and debilitating fear.
I have no idea how to handle the toddler’s temper tantrums. I don’t remember this stage with my oldest (though I have vague memories of worrying that the neighbors would think I was beating her because of how loud she would scream so we must have gone through this). I have no idea how to load and unload an infant AND a toddler from the car by myself. I have no idea how to begin to piece together a manageable bedtime routine. Or meal time routine. Or morning routine. I have no idea how to chase a toddler around a park with a newborn in tow. I have no idea how to go about feeling like I’ve given each of them the attention they deserve. I’m barely pulling off the “shower daily” thing, and quite frankly I’m sucking pretty bad at the “sleep” and “eat healthy” things.
But maybe figuring out all the answers is overrated.
Because even if I did, it would only last a moment before everything changed and I’d have to figure it out all over again.
Maybe the best thing we can do is just be clueless and keep showing up anyway.