Mom life can be hard sometimes. I have found that it can be easy to devote all of my time and energy to my family, even to the point where I don’t have enough left for myself. It can be difficult to prioritize showering, let alone making and sustaining friendships. I mean, friendships take work and I am trying to raise human beings, you know? But I’ve also found that there are some types of friendships that are worth the effort.
- The “You’ve totally got this!” Friend–This is the friend that always sees your best. No matter what you are doing, you’re doing great in their eyes. We all need the reminder that we are totally awesome and capable from time to time. I am currently reading a book by Bob Goff in which he writes, “I used to think the words spoken about us describe who we are, but now I know they shape who we are.” In other words, surrounding yourself with people who say you are amazing can actually make you be amazing.
- The “Tell It Like It Is” Friend–This friend can help you balance the “You’ve got this!” friend. They are the one who isn’t afraid to tell you that it’s time to take a shower and put on a bra, even if you’re just going to Walmart.
- The “Friend That Has A Lot of Kids” Friend–This could be anyone with 1-10 children. “A lot” is relative. When I had one child, three seemed like a lot. Now I have three (and it still seems like a lot). So find whatever number seems like a lot to you and then find someone with that many children. They’ll help you keep some perspective on days that you feel overwhelmed because they handle so much in the day (and are often mysteriously more calm than other parents). PLUS, they offer really good advice because this isn’t their first rodeo and if you can name a parenting challenge they’ve probably tackled it.
- The “I Can Complain About My Kids to You” Friend–Let’s be honest. There are days when you need to complain about your children. It’s not pretty and it’s not fun but sometimes it’s just what needs to happen. The friend who can listen to you dish about what an a-hole your toddler is and still know that you love that child more than your own sanity is a friendship gem because they can see you at your worst and still love you. Bonus: these are usually the friends you don’t have to clean your house for.
- The “Link to the Grownup World” Friend–This friend might text you throughout the day about their job or insist on dragging you out for a beer once a month or even just be the person who talks to you about stuff other than children. No matter how they do it, they are your spaceship tether to the world outside of parenting. Yes, there is one.
- The “Friend With Awesome Older Kids” Friend–This friend is further into the parenting journey and will help you remember that each of these phases will pass, both the phases we love and the phases that are hard. Even though it’s hard to imagine, there will actually come a day when your kids will sleep in, or can at least pour their own cereal so you can. These are also some of your most inspirational friends because they’ve somehow managed to navigate turning a tiny human into a successful adult (or almost adult). And that, my friends, is crazy cool.
- The “Different Mom Style” Friend–These can be tricky to navigate but they are worth it. Everyone needs a friend with a different approach to parenting. They can offer ideas you’ve never considered before. Maybe they make their own baby food and you have no idea where to start (or if you even want to). Maybe they co-sleep and you are against it. Maybe it’s breastfeeding or cloth diapers or baby wearing. No matter what the issue, having someone that you respect and that respects you can be a great way to gain new perspectives on a topic, even if you don’t agree.
- The “Creative” Friend–This friend is doing something badass. It might be making music, writing a book, starting a business, painting, photography, volunteering, anything. The point is, they are doing something that inspires you to want to do something. Maybe it’s as simple as inspiring you to read a book or as complex as inspiring you to make a big change like your career. Either way, we all need people who inspire us.
These are all friendships anyone would be lucky to have. But the truth is, any kind of friend who sticks by my side as I navigate the trenches of motherhood is a gift. Friends are mom gold because they each, in some way, help me to be a better mom and a better human.
They say it takes a village to raise a child, but maybe that’s just because it takes a village to help us be the best parents we can be.