Screen time. One of the big debates of our parenting generation. How much is too much? Should kids even have it at all? How do we set reasonable limits?
As a general rule, my impression is that screen time is frowned upon. Every time I hand over the iPad to get a few minutes to myself or to avoid a temper tantrum in the grocery store, I feel a little twinge of guilt in the pit of my stomach. I can only assume this comes from an unspoken judgement in our society that I am taking the “easy” way out and letting technology parent my kids instead of teaching them to behave appropriately without it.
I’ve given this some thought and I’ve come to the following conclusion:
That is crap.
Let’s use my toddler as an example. Anyone who has every had a toddler knows they are completely unreasonable. Literally. They cannot comprehend logical reasoning.
So when she decides to scream bloody hell all through the grocery store, or chooses to launch every piece of food within a four foot radius of her high chair in a restaurant, my choices are somewhat limited. I can let her scream through the store in hopes that she will figure out that it won’t accomplish anything. I can correct her behavior and, if need be, take her out of the restaurant (and miss my entire meal and abandon my other children in the process). Or I can distract her.
That’s really the key to toddler-whispering, isn’t it? Distraction. I have to give her something that is more interesting than her temper tantrum. Sure, books work for a little while, and toys work sometimes, too. You know what else works? My cell phone.
The best way I know how to teach her to act appropriately in a restaurant or a store or any other public place is to make sure she actually behaves appropriately. I look around at children climbing under tables and over the backs of booths, or running through the grocery store knocking things off the shelves, and I can’t believe that letting them misbehave is a better option than bribing them to be good. Should technology be the only tool I use to teach my children appropriate behavior? Of course not. But if giving my child an iPad means she sits politely at the table for a little while when she needs to, then that’s what I’m doing.
Also, I’m not sure if you have noticed, but parenting is hard. Obviously there are going to be many occasions in which I have to bunker down and ride out the storm when it comes to my children’s discipline. But there’s something to be said for picking your battles. Is this the mountain I want to die on, right here in the Cheesecake Factory? No. No it is not.
I don’t know if screen time is terrible or not. At home we try our best to technology with play and creativity and learning. But I’m human we don’t always succeed. There are days where the only thing that gets us to five o’clock is My Little Pony on Netflix.
And to be completely honest, I’m not sure that it’s even possible to find the perfect balance in parenting these days. Screen time may not be good for kids, but neither is anything else. Diapers have terrible chemicals in them and they are ruining the environment. Johnson and Johnson products cause cancer. Frozen chicken nuggets are toxic, laundry soap is dangerous, and so are all cleaning supplies. Even giving them baths every day isn’t good for them. And if you’re not watching your kids 24/7 then you’re being neglectful (but if you are you’re “helicopter parenting”). It seems like our only choices sometimes are choosing the lesser evil.
In other words, being a parent is hard. In some ways, I think it’s harder than ever before. It’s as if the more we know about the world today, the less we know about how to best raise our little humans in it.
So what are our options? For me, I’m just doing the best I can. Even if that means sometimes using technology to make parenting a little easier.