If you have participated in social media this week, I think you’ll agree with me when I say: It’s a jungle out there.
People are grieving. People are protesting. People are feeling scared, hurt, angry. People are feeling judged, criticized, demeaned.
And just like everyone else, I have an opinion.
But here’s the thing about my opinion: it doesn’t just make me want to say what I believe. It makes me genuinely curious about the other opinions that are different than mine. How can we see the same thing so differently? There are so many different opinions right now, and so much that I desperately want to understand.
Because when we have different opinions, we are separate from each other. We are divided. And human beings, by nature, are social creatures. When we feel divided, separate, it creates a deep and unsettled yearning in our souls to get back to each other, whether we realize it or not.
It’s why we passionately argue our own opinions. Because we desperately hope to persuade people to join us so we won’t be alone.
But there’s something we often forget about opinions. Togetherness doesn’t come from agreeing with each other. It comes from understanding each other. It comes from listening to each other. It comes from connection deeper than opinions.
Which is really good news. Because it means that neither one of us have to compromise on what we believe in order to get back to each other. We simply need to open up space to listen. To be genuinely curious about where the other person is coming from. To try our darndest to stand in the other person’s shoes and see what they see. Even if we don’t choose to stay there.
Even if we never agree, we can work to respect each others’ beliefs. The bridge across the divide isn’t built on our opinions; it is built on our humanity.
These are not easy days. Every time I see something that hurts my heart or confuses me or makes me angry, I get the impulse to write. Because writing is my outlet. And so often I struggle and stumble and fight to get the right words out. And then I question whether I should be saying anything at all. I worry about offending people and alienating people.
And mostly, when I share my opinion, I remind you that my opinion is different than yours. I remind both of us that we are separate. Divided.
And human beings don’t like to be divided.
So my inner voice argues that it’s better just to keep my mouth shut, to keep my opinions to myself. Because then we don’t have to face the fact that we are so far apart.
But then I remember this: the way back to each other is through understanding. And you cannot understand me if I do not share these parts of me. You cannot understand my beliefs if I choose to keep them to myself.
Granted, sharing my opinion on social media may just seem like dumping buckets of water into the ocean because social media is so flooded with opinions right now.
But I’m also aware of the power of social media as a connective tool. I have watched millions of people use it to connect to others who share their beliefs.
Why can’t we use it to connect to those who don’t share our beliefs?
Last night, I shared a heated post about the increase in hate crimes since the election. I typically try very hard not to share heated posts without thinking long and hard about what I say. But last night, I impulse posted.
And after I did so, I fought the urge to take it down. More than once. (More than twice.) Because I am human. And humans don’t like to be divided.
But what happened next gave me hope. People offered their own perspectives which were different than mine. In some cases we didn’t agree. And in some we did agree but from different angles.
And no one was disrespectful or unkind.
I was pushed to see opinions that I did not understand. I was given a glimpse into perspectives that I don’t share. And we found common ground in perspective we did share.
And most importantly I was reminded that the person on the other side of the divide was exactly that: a person. A thoughtful, intelligent human being with experiences and opinions and beliefs that were different than mine but that were no less important or valid.
Suddenly, it didn’t matter that we didn’t see eye-to-eye on everything. Because our differences were no longer a threat to our togetherness.
The way back to each other isn’t dependent upon agreeing with each other. It simply requires that we listen to each other. They saw me post about what I believed and, rather than ignoring me or criticizing me, they shared what they believed. We didn’t try to change each other. We just listened.
And it may seem like a small moment in the expanse of the chaos right now. But it felt big to me. Because even though neither side waved a white flag on their own opinions, I saw a bridge where before I had not seen one. I felt togetherness and kindness and respect. For people I didn’t agree with.
It may seem impossible sometimes, but there is a way back to each other. It’s up to us to find it.