I’ll Stay As Long As You Need Me

Today was the last day of the toddler’s playgroup. We started attending a few months ago to work on the toddler’s social skills. They meet every other week for an hour.

The toddler already tends to be nervous about new things. She is shy and still gaining confidence in her ability to communicate what she needs to people who don’t know her. She also hasn’t had much experience with me leaving her in new places so that makes her uncomfortable. Those factors, paired with the fact that the group only meets twice a month, meant that it took a little while for her to warm up to the idea of playgroup.

The first time we went, I stayed with her so she could check it out with me there. She seemed to like it. The next time we went I dropped her off and ghosted out of there. I thought that if I hung around it would make it harder for her than if I just got out of the way.

For this kiddo, that was the wrong move. From then on she was terrified that I was going to sneak out on her again, so she clung to me and cried.

I have worked in a daycare and with kids long enough to know that sometimes the parents hanging around and dragging out a goodbye just prolongs how long the child is upset for. Sometimes if the parents leave, then the kids are fine and get distracted playing. For some kids, that works.

But I’m not sure if that’s the case with this child. She likes to know what to expect. She likes to hang back and watch until she feels comfortable. She thinks things through and gets the lay of the land before she jumps in. She has done this with everything from milestones like crawling and talking to playing at the park and meeting new people.

So when I take her to playgroup and she cries and doesn’t want me to leave, I have a dilemma. Do I drop her off and go despite her protests in hopes that she will be fine once I’m out of there? Or do I trust my gut that says that isn’t the best strategy to use with her?

I decided to trust my gut. “I’ll stay as long as you need me.” I reassured her over and over again, making sure that she knew I wouldn’t sneak out on her again. That she could explore and get used to the idea of playgroup without worrying about keeping track of where I was. I would stay until she knew she could do it on her own.

And for the most part I feel pretty confident in my decision. Sort of. The thing is, then I’m the parent lurking around. When no other parents are there. When the teachers are wonderful and perfectly capable of doing their job without me trying to “help”. I still feel like I’m doing the right thing for my child. I do. But I also can’t help but feel self-conscious about my decision as well.

Parenting is hard, you guys. What works for some kids doesn’t work for others. There is no manual. There’s only us guessing at what’s right and doing the best we can.

And that’s okay. We’re figuring it out as we go. And there’s nothing wrong with that.