It’s shaping up to be one of those weeks.
I’m officially in the third trimester. The temperature each day ranges in the mid to upper nineties with the kind of humidity that will curl your hair and then flatten it and then fray it until you question the life choice to even have hair at all. The combination of these two things has also resulted in me swelling like a water balloon on a fire hydrant. So that’s fun.
In other words, this mama is dragging.
Enter Monday. The toddler won’t nap and screams through her entire doctor appointment, and the six year old needs to be taken to camp and then picked up and wants to tell me about it DURING the doctors appointment where her sister is screaming and is already nagging me to play Candy Land for the ONE BILLIONTH time before we even get home. Needless to say, it was a potent reminder that I am running on limited energy and sanity.
When we finally got home from the day’s chaos and laid the toddler down, all I wanted to do was put my feet up for a minute and relax. But my six year old forgets nothing. “Can we play Candy Land now?”
Listen, I love playing with my kids. Sometimes. But any parent knows it can be as exhausting as it is enjoyable. And when I’m already running on empty, nothing sounds better than collapsing on the couch for a few minutes of rest.
So I put her off for a few minutes, explaining that mom needed a second to regroup. She lasted about two minutes before asking me again. Unfortunately, her persistent nagging didn’t inspire me to want to play Candy Land any more than I had in the first place. I brushed her away a few more times and then finally, even though it was just about the last thing on earth I wanted to do, I sucked it up and I played Candy Land.
And I didn’t die.
Actually, we had fun. We played a few rounds of Candy Land and then a squirrel board game and then just hung out for a little while. “Isn’t it nice to spend some time together?” she asked. Cue mama heart melt.
She is such a good kid. She’s already at the mercy of the toddler’s schedule most days. And now she is feeling the effects of sharing mama with a baby that isn’t even born yet. But she handles it like a champ.
I love my kids and I love the stages when they are small. But during those stages, most of the energy exchange involves them slowly draining my gas tank. But my oldest is teetering on the edge of a new era in which spending time with her doesn’t always drain my tank, but rather, it actually fills it. Weird.
Even though I didn’t want to play Candy Land, I did. And afterwards, I felt even better than if I had spent the time with my feet up in my chair. My heart felt full and I was grateful to have gotten some quality time with her–time in which I sat down and really saw her. I need more of that.
Now enter Tuesday. I’ll spare you the details, but know that it involved more transporting kids in the heat and running errands, more extended toddler temper tantrums, teething and nap schedule confusion, and urine soaked clothing. By mid afternoon, the toddler was finally asleep and I was finally sitting down to eat lunch.
Enter six year old. “Come to the basement! I have a surprise!”
Nope. Sorry sweet one. Mama hasn’t even eaten lunch yet and the swelling today has progressed to bouncy house status. (I’m serious, you guys, I don’t know how I’m even typing this right now because I basically don’t have fingers anymore.) I’m not going to the basement. I need a minute.
And she totally understood and went to go entertain herself doing something both quiet and educational.
HA. That is a lie. She came back two minutes later and asked again. And I explained again, “Mommy has been doing stuff for other people all morning and now she needs a moment to take care of herself so she doesn’t turn into a monster.”
That bought me maybe four minutes.
I didn’t want to go play in the basement. I wanted to rest and drink a cup of coffee. But I remembered yesterday. So I sucked it up again and headed to the basement, where I discovered a whole birthday picnic (complete with sign and plastic food) had been setup in my honor. We decorated play cupcakes and feasted on plastic watermelon and invisible tea. And then we ventured up to her room and decorated the newly created hideout under her bed and then played mommy/daughter, which consisted of her putting me to bed over and over again.
And it was fun. I did eventually have to wave the white flag and bribe her with a snack to get out of the endless loop of imaginary bedtime. But again, I was glad to have had the chance to focus on just her for a little while during the day.
It occurred to me that playing Candy Land and pretending to go through the bedtime routine six times in a row probably won’t ever be the thing I feel like doing in any given moment, at least for the rest of this pregnancy but most likely for longer than that. In my heart I want days full of quality time like this. But in the real world there are always more things on the to-do list than there are time and energy for.
That means that some days parenting means sucking it up and doing it anyway because you know it will be great once you do. Like exercising. Or cooking.
And other days maybe you don’t. Because we all get to be human sometimes and that can be a good thing for kids to learn, too.