My daughters have different dads. I didn’t plan for it to be like that. No one ever does.
When got married the first time, I had every intention of being married forever. And then things changed. The universe delivered a steady stream of teachers with big lessons for me to learn. I grew. In a different direction. My whole world expanded and blew apart.
My first daughter was born at the very beginning of my growth spurt. She was and still is one of my greatest teachers. I wanted to have kids. And it was still a shock when she entered the world and turned it upside down. I was so young and naive. Trying to figure out how to be this “mom” person I had suddenly become. Trying to find my voice.
I fell in love with being a mom one day at a time. By the time my second daughter came along, the avalanche of learning and change that had been my life for the past four years had leveled out. I settled into a healthier and more peaceful relationship. I had officially embraced the role of mama to my littles.
My priorities are different, clearer now. My voice is stronger. I have learned enough to know how much I still have to learn. I walk through life in a much different way than I did four years ago.
It will always be obvious that they have different dads. But in many ways, they had different moms as well. But then again, I think that’s true of every child. Children change us. From time we feel them first move inside our core, to the first moment we lay eyes on them and every beautiful exhausting moment after that…we are never the same.