Yes, she is eating a cookie on the potty chair. Anything to get her to sit long enough to pee.
We are doing it, you guys. We are tackling the potty training marathon. We’ve progressed through the stages where we definitely regret starting this process because we are cleaning pee out of the rug for the third time today (and why do they always pee on the carpet and not the hard floor) to the point where we are fist-pumping and happy-dancing because “Look at us! We are DOING it you guys!”
A few weeks ago, I sat at the bottom of this mountain with no idea how to begin to climb. I knew that my toddler is a different child than my oldest, that the same thing that motivated my oldest during potty training wouldn’t necessarily work for my toddler. I knew that I needed to find out what would work for my toddler.
Except I didn’t know what that was. And I didn’t think I could start until I figured it out. I didn’t think I could start the climb until I had a clear map of the path to the top.
But it turns out I was wrong. We started with one step at a time, and from that step we learned and what we learned led us to the next step.
I had her sit on the potty. So she would get used to it. That worked fine, except she would never actually go potty in the potty chair. She would pee in her diaper as soon as she got up. So I tried to bribe her to sit on the potty chair long enough to make the potty come out by parking it in front of the tv and giving her treats. That turned out to be too much pressure. So we backed off and went to short potty chair sits on a more regular basis, even though she never actually went potty.
It turns out, that worked well. She got used to the feeling of sitting on the potty chair and eventually relaxed enough to let the potty come out IN the potty chair. At which point we celebrated, obviously. We kept up with the consistency and positivity until she gained more control and could more easily let the potty out while on the potty chair.
The problem was, she would still pee in her diaper if she was wearing one. So we tried underwear. No dice. She was still having accidents.
And then, one day after sitting on the potty, she didn’t want to put her pants back on. And I was too tired to fight it. She ran around commando for an hour. No accidents.
As it turns out, if she wasn’t wearing anything, she would stop and go potty on the potty chair. But if she was wearing something, she would have an accident. After a few days of going commando and not having any accidents, we upgraded to loose pants. And then eventually added back in underwear. And just like that, she was potty trained. She started staying dry at naps and overnight. She started pooping in the toilet. It just… clicked.
Here’s what we learned:
DON’T expect to know how to potty train this tiny human until you actually do it.
I know that sounds strange, but it’s true. You might not figure out what works for your child until you just jump right in and try. While potty training my daughter, I bought books and read articles until I couldn’t fit any more potty training theories into my brain. But potty training (and parenting) can be like walking in the dark. Sometimes you may not be able to see the finish line, or even three steps in front of you. The only thing you can do is take a step and only when you’ve done that will you be able to see the next step to take.
DON’T expect the next tiny human you potty train to be like any previous children you have potty trained.
My oldest was two when we potty trained. She was verbally fluent enough to discuss potty training and it was easy to discover what worked for her. It was stamps. Every time she went to the bathroom, she got to put a stamp on a piece of paper hanging on the bathroom door. Within a few days, she was potty trained. (Except for overnight. That took much, much longer.) My toddler was not ready at two, and even at her third birthday did not have the verbal skills for a conversation about potty training. It was harder to figure out what worked for her. (Turns out it was a combination of running around pantless and an unlimited supply of m&m’s.) Once the pieces clicked, she was totally potty trained, overnights and everything.
My experience with my first child didn’t actually help me that much at all with my second. In fact, if anything it gave me false confidence in strategies that didn’t actually work with my second child. I probably wasted more time than I care to admit having my own little information crisis when I realized that, even though this wasn’t my first child, I still knew essentially nothing.
DON’T expect potty training to be a three-day experience.
The books and articles will lead you to believe that you can potty train your child in less than a day. This is a lie. Sure, some kids might get it more quickly than others. They may get the general idea and make huge strides in under a day. But there are levels to potty training that you never even consider until you’re in it.
For example, your child may potty in the potty chair, but can they also poop in it? Can they stay dry at nap times and overnights? When you’re out in public will they tell you they have to go? Will they use one of the horrifying self-flushing public toilets without having a panic attack? After they’ve gone, can they wipe their own booty? Can they pull up their own pants and wash their hands? If you have a child that magically does all of these things in less than a day then AWESOME for you and your unicorn child.
DON’T expect life to be magically wonderful after they are potty trained.
Once you’ve gotten over the biggest hurdles in potty training, you definitely deserve to celebrate. But don’t get too carried away. You now have a child who will have to pee five minutes into every car ride and every time your grocery cart is full and you are in the furthest possible corner from the bathroom. Chances are you will still have to clean up pee and you’ll spend just as much time covering public toilet lids with toilet paper as you did changing diapers. And even though you don’t have to pay for diapers anymore, you’re still a parent so you’ll probably still be broke.
DO expect to feel ridiculously proud when your tiny human finally gets it.
There’s no ignoring the fact that potty training is an emotional roller coaster for parents, and if you’re still reading at this point you might be feeling like it has more downs than ups. But just like every other parenting venture, the high points make it all worth it. Until you’ve experienced the excitement of the first time you’re little one actually goes potty IN THE POTTY or, even more amazing, the feeling of sheer awe when they finally sit still long enough to make an actual poop in the potty, you can’t truly understand what an enormous accomplishment it is to potty train a human. When you think about the understanding of bodily awareness and muscle control and patience and persistence that goes into the task of learning to use the bathroom, it’s a little amazing that any of us are potty trained, let alone small children with limited vocabularies and motor skills.
So celebrate every little milestone and step along the journey like crazy.
