Today didn’t go according to plan. For me or anyone around me. More than one person in my life today had a hard day that, in one way or another, impacted my day.
It’s hard to know how to help, how to support people sometimes. It takes courage to reach out to someone when you know they are hurting. Why is that? It seems like reaching out to someone when they need to be reached for should be the easiest thing in the world. But for some reason, it’s not. Perhaps I assume I’m not qualified to provide what someone needs in a time of need. Who knows.
Of the things that affected my day, some of these also affected my oldest daughter. Some of them will continue to affect her in the days to come. She is four, so she doesn’t always have the ability to make sense of her feelings. But she feels big. When people around her feel, she feels too. So tonight she was a tired ball of confused feelings.
“I want you to rock me,” she wept at bedtime. We used to snuggle in the rocking chair at bedtime every night, until her growth and my growing pregnant belly made it impossible. But tonight she climbed up into my lap and I cradled her and rocked. I marveled at how big she felt in my arms and I cried because I want to make it easier for her and I can’t.
She finally relaxed and drifted off to sleep. I kept holding her. Because there are so many people that I want to help. So many people I want to make things easier for. And I don’t know how to.
But when it comes to opening my arms and holding this little girl for as long as she will let me…when something as simple as space on my lap can make everything better, even if it’s just for a moment… That I can do.